Embracing Authenticity Over “Pick Me” Behavior

The term “pick me girl” or “pick me boy” has been circulating online lately but what does it mean and how is this behaviour damaging in the context of sports, especially for women.

A "pick me girl" or "pick me boy" is someone who seeks validation and approval from others, often by downplaying shared interests with her/his gender or trying to appear unique to gain attention and acceptance.

Let’s talk about this behaviour within martial art gyms. In male-dominated fields, women may feel tempted to conform to stereotypes and adopt ‘pick me’ behavior in an attempt to fit in, not realising it can inadvertently perpetuate harmful gender norms and stereotypes. It’s essential to recognize that this phenomenon is a consequence of deeply ingrained societal expectations that affect us all and that the root causes are complex

By attempting to distance themselves from other women, some women might believe it enhances their likability and relatability to men, leading to a sense of acceptance and value within male-dominated environments.

The truth is, when women attempt to get themselves a spot by distancing themselves from other women, they harm their own interest as well as women’s progression in sports.

The following are some examples of problematic behaviour and signs that hinder women’s progression in sports:

1. Avoiding training with other women: Demonstrating reluctance or refusing to train with other women athletes, preferring to seek validation or attention from male training partners instead.

2. Being overly aggressive towards other women: Displaying excessive aggression or competitiveness towards other women martial artists within the club, as a means to stand out or gain approval from male peers.

3. Downplaying training partners’ skills: Underestimating or diminishing the abilities of women training partners, attempting to appear more skilled or exceptional in comparison.

4. Seeking exclusively male training partners: Consistently seeking out male training partners while disregarding opportunities to build camaraderie and support with women practitioners.

5. Valuing male praise over skill development: Prioritizing compliments or validation from male instructors or peers over focusing on honing their own martial arts skills and personal growth.

6. Belittling women-centric events: Showing disinterest or making derogatory remarks about events or discussions specifically geared towards empowering and supporting women in martial arts.

7. Engaging in unnecessary aggression: Using unnecessary force or aggression when sparring with other women athletes potentially injuring them, attempting to prove their toughness or stand out.

8. Avoiding women-centric spaces: Refraining from participating in women-focused workshops, seminars, or initiatives aimed at nurturing unity and empowerment among women in combat sports.

If you feel called out or recognise yourself or a teammate in the examples, don’t worry. It is never too late to change this behaviour. Here are some steps to educate and empower yourself or those caught in "Pick Me" behavior:

1. Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your motivations and behaviors. Understand why seeking validation or distancing yourself from other women may have become a pattern in your life.

2. Challenge stereotypes: Question and challenge harmful gender norms and expectations. Embrace the idea that strength lies in authenticity and being true to yourself, rather than conforming to societal standards.

3. Cultivate self-confidence: Focus on building self-confidence and self-worth from within. Recognize your unique qualities and skills, celebrating your achievements on your own terms.

4. Embrace authenticity: Embrace your genuine interests and passions without the need to seek external validation. Remember that being true to yourself is empowering.

5. Support women unity: Recognize the power of women solidarity and support. Encourage positive connections with other women, fostering a sense of community and empowerment.

6. Seek inspiring role models: Look for diverse role models who have succeeded by being authentic. Draw inspiration from their stories and journeys.

7. Find or/and create safe spaces: Surround yourself with environments where open discussions and self-expression are welcomed. Seek out spaces that nurture growth and understanding.

8. Celebrate personal growth: Focus on personal growth and achievements based on your efforts and dedication. Celebrate progress as an individual, without seeking external validation.

Coming to terms with displaying "Pick Me" behavior, whether it's in yourself or a teammate, can indeed be challenging. However, acknowledging it is a crucial first step toward self-improvement and fostering a better and healthier training environment for everyone involved.

By recognizing and addressing this behavior, we can create a supportive atmosphere that values authenticity, unity, and empowerment, allowing individuals to thrive and grow in their sports.

Embracing this journey of self-awareness and improvement can lead to stronger connections, personal growth, and better training conditions for athletes.

#strengthinunity